A Careless Slip-up Is All It Takes.
I threw on my “Ducky” sweatshirt as I fumbled around with the all too loud alarm clock at such an early hour. A typical summer Thursday, one consisting of a 9 am class. I made my way downstairs in search of something edible as I waited for my vision to clear up. Sitting down in one of our oversized couches, I could hear my mom and dad out in the garage. Over the last couple months I’ve come to learn to cringe a bit when the realization sets in that one of them is in there as I know they’re smoking, and smoking because of some sort of tension. But on this certain occasion, I didn’t mind it because, you see, I’ve also learned to cherish any memory that I can attain of them together because I know I only have a few more chances to gather those kinds of memories.
They came back in and, not noticing me quietly sitting in the living room, sat down together at the island in our kitchen. My dad took out some paperwork as he began explaining what all the legal jargon meant, “By signing this, we are saying that there will be no custody battle…”
Such a wonderful way to start out an already shitty day: watching your parents as they sign away their marriage. 20 years together. And suddenly with the ink of a pen and the help of a costly attorney, it can be like it never happened. It’s just a whisper in one’s past.
A couple months ago, I was sitting at that same island when my mom hurriedly came downstairs. She was more upset, more angry than I’d seen her in awhile. I asked her what was wrong, but she would give me no answer. I backed off, knowing that answer would come out in time, but also because I feared I already knew the answer.
A few days before I had told my mom for the first time that dad had been taking out extra loans, knowing that I would be getting a nice sized refund from the school with which I could buy a car. Instantly I knew I had slipped up. To my surprise it was her first time hearing about it. So, I tried to downplay the situation as she began saying again and again how she had had enough, she was done. I feared what that could mean, but I thought I talked her down enough so she wouldn’t make any decisions until the initial shock blew over.
Unfortunately, though, that wouldn’t help any. Back at the island, I flashed back to that day prior as I realized our family was in for some changes. At first it seemed like everything would be okay, as my mom originally told me that responsibility for the bills was shifting from dad to her. I breathed a sigh of relief. That would be okay. Good, actually. Just as long as they would still be together.
I began noticing little things though. Things that changed between them, her and dad. They just weren’t the same any more. The atmosphere changed and a rift settled in between them. I knew that there was more.
After a week I finally got up the nerve to ask what was really going on, what else was there. In that moment, my fears were confirmed. When dad had the money, he’d be gone.
Last time they seperated it was my brother’s fault. Could I have started it this time? With that one little careless slip up?
Despite promises after a few month seperation years ago, promises to never divorce…
In a few weeks I will be leaving for Ecuador for a month. What will I come back to?
kadi.
